Breaking Down the Ego Within…

 

 

 

It’s been over 3 months since this new chapter unfolded before me.  And I have to tell you, it’s been pretty amazing.  Well, it would probably be more amazing without the Arctic freeze and snow every few days, but I also know it could be worse.  Every so often during these 2 months, temperatures having been swinging around in the 40’s and 50’s, so the temperatures will alert the sleeping flowers and trees that dawn is approaching for their big wake-up call.  And then we get snow.  Or a day where its 10 degrees fahrenheit.  Another month or so, and we will start seeing some buds on the trees, and maybe a crocus or two!

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But I digress…I wanted to get online and talk about a piece of scripture that came across my eyes today.  Numbers 11:5

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I immediately thought of my friend Chad, who after telling him I started reading the Bible, he said jokingly, “Let me know when you get to Numbers. ”  I have to admit, I have avoided Numbers like the plague for that very reason!

But, Jesus has other plans for me, I guess.

Anyway, I was listening to this prophetic word on YouTube one morning, when this passage was brought up.  I decided to look it up, and literally sat here at my desk, completely clueless as to what it meant.  I decided to reach out to a fellow Brother in Christ/Bible Study Teacher/Good Friend and Partner of my BFF haha… (yeah, he has lots of titles), and he gave me a brief albeit solid explanation to the passage.

“In context it was the Jewish people wandering in the desert whining about how good they had it when they were slaves.  Their eyes were off the blessings of the Lord providing daily manna, they were lusting for the “good ole days…”

WOW.  For an instant I got it.  I understood what the Israelite’s were complaining about.  I understand it, because I felt that way through my first marriage, and my last place of employment.  Even if life was hell, it was stable.  It was something that I knew, and no matter how bad it got, at least I knew what to expect, rather than having not a clue of what’s happening.  It’s why I don’t like surprises.  It’s why I tend to know exactly what my step-son is going to say/do before it happens.  My need to know everything around me consumed my life.  I had to be in the know with everything and complained when I didn’t know what was going on.  Right now, I am going through that, but, I decided last month to take up the Cross and allow God to do with me as He saw fit.  And my life has been nothing short of a miracle.  Since 2004, I have been longing to be back home, and after 13 years, here I am. Don’t get me wrong, I am still diligently looking for a job, but I also know God knows my heart and knows exactly where I will thrive.  So, following in His footsteps rather than my own is definitely humbling and very difficult.  I’ve never been a patient person, and living on a daily instant gratification for things has created something within me I am not proud of.  Getting back to basics and bringing myself back into Spirit, well, I can easily say it’s not easy.  Yet the infinite patience of our Father is astounding, and no one should really question that.  It’s very difficult to not look on the outward appearance of things and instead look within.  But looking within is where the real treasure is.  Seeing the very thing that God created us in the first place for, that is where the miracles sit.  How many in this world have been honestly able to see that?  I’m 44 years old, and seeing this through my child-like eyes is like looking upon a unicorn – you can’t believe it’s real but there it is standing in front of you.

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Sometimes, God allows difficult times to happen in order for the amazing things to take place.  I think I may have mentioned this in my last post.  And most likely, I will mention it in the next one.  I think it’s important to remember that.  We are so caught up our egocentric minds, that there isn’t any room for God.  In order for us to truly allow God into our lives and hearts, we must let go of our worldly desires.

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It’s not easy.  But think of the Parable of the rich man who wanted to enter the Kingdom of Heaven….Incidentally enough, it’s the next verses in Matthew Chapter 10:

17 And when he was gone forth into the way, there came one running, and kneeled to him, and asked him, Good Master, what shall I do that I may inherit eternal life?

18 And Jesus said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God.

19 Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Defraud not, Honour thy father and mother.

20 And he answered and said unto him, Master, all these have I observed from my youth.

21 Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me.

22 And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions.

23 And Jesus looked round about, and saith unto his disciples, How hardly shall they that have riches enter into the kingdom of God!

24 And the disciples were astonished at his words. But Jesus answereth again, and saith unto them, Children, how hard is it for them that trust in riches to enter into the kingdom of God!

25 It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. (Matthew 10:17-25 KJV)

So, I let go of control of my life, and gave it to God.  And it hasn’t been the same ever since.  And every wish I had dreamed of regarding how I wished my life would be has been humbly coming true.

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Well, I gotta get back to some work here at home.  Lots to do today, lots of prayers to be said.  Lots of praises to our Almighty for all He has given me.  One of the things I find humorous, is that in 1 Corinthians 11, it talks about women covering their head when talking to God.  Well, I talk to God ALL DAY, so I guess I need to have my head covered all day!  HA!

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Be blessed this week, everyone.  Jesus loves you!

Bridget

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A Year Gone By…

b5d47df272ab60bbb62da8dd7ba36a1b.jpgOkay, so yeah, I did say I was going to be blogging more regularly…BACK IN SEPTEMBER…so, obviously, I need to take a step back from promising things I am not 100% sure of.  But we’re here now, so hey!  What’s happening????

Lots has happened, I really don’t even know where to begin.  I celebrated my year being saved on November 18th, 2017 and was able to go to church the next morning and just worship till my hearts content; absolutely smitten with God in such a way I became incredible emotional during the FIRST SONG.  Yeahhhh…doesn’t take much anymore to bring on the old briny tears.  Think about it:  Have you ever been in love with anyone?  Or anything?  Like something takes your breath away SO much you cannot help by release the endorphins because it’s just too dang much for your physical body to hold onto anymore.  That’s how I feel about Jesus.  I know, it sounds weird.  And it’s not like in a romantic (obviously) way that I feel for my husband.  No, this is different.  I understand what unconditional love is, because you realize that NOTHING He can or cannot do will ever sway your love for Him.  That’s how I feel.

Unfortunately, my love for my God came with a big cost.  People who were a part of my journey walked out of my life so fast I couldn’t even blink fast enough.  People don’t like hearing about an absolute.  No, in today’s society, the idea of “whatever” is more apropos than having a solid foundation of 1 thing.  In a world where New Age philosophies are gaining popularity every second, one usually doesn’t even notice how these philosophies have infiltrated almost every mainstream religion.  And no, I am not condemning anyone here for living this life or believing these things.  I was there for over 10 years, and if there was anything that upset me more, was judgement over my beliefs.  Just because I no longer adhere to these principals, does not mean I am pointing my finger at others who do.  And sure, do I get criticized for not pointing my finger and trying to “save” those people?  Every time.  In fact, it’s one of the very reasons why I haven’t blogged here.  I found it emotionally exhausting trying to placate every single thing I was posting on social media, knowing full well there were some waiting on the edge of their seats for me to say something that contradicts their own ideas of anything.  Some times it wasn’t even about religion.  I realized that my life quickly was being looked upon the social media population with a microscope, and I’ll admit I had difficulty trying to keep a smile on my face every day. Look, I understand that I cannot make everyone happy, but it came to a point where one had to throw their hands up in defeat, realizing you couldn’t make ANYONE happy.  That has always been a point of weakness for me. I admit that.  In all my years of spiritual and emotional growth, I am still incredibly naive in areas of others’ opinions of me.  Here’s the thing:  I’m not here to “save” anyone.  That’s an intimate relationship with the divine, and my ego learned very quickly only I can save myself.  Everyone is on their own when making any final agreement with our Creator.  But if I want to be a beacon of light and help those who ask for it, in the words of George Costanza, I’ll do it every day of the week and twice on Sunday.

But, over the last 3 weeks, when my life changed quickly and drastically, I found out that it cannot matter anymore.  That no matter how much you try, it is really a battle that never can be won in the flesh.  Something I learned over this last year:  Don’t hate the person. You’re not fighting the person in front of you; you are fighting with an evil entity who is inside of them, creating a sort of chaos in their mind and body, allowing them to hate, ridicule and belittle anything and anyone for any reason.  You can be the most faithful servant to God, but you are still human. And when living on this 3 dimensional planet, where evil and demonic forces are everywhere, waiting to pounce on anything that shows weakness, it becomes a never ending saga of “how can I get around it next time”.  And that’s just suicide, folks.

Did you know that in the first prayer Jesus taught everyone, the Our Father?  Well, the ending part of the prayer, most say, “But deliver us from evil”, is actually INCORRECT.  No, the correct version at the end of this prayer actually says, “But deliver us from the evil one.”

THE EVIL ONE.

We are dealing with evil principalities on the other side who want nothing more than to see us fail and live in darkness and shame.  They thrive on it.  Where do you think the old saying, “When it rains, it pours” comes from?  When weakness is found, the feed on it until they are full, and sadly, their hunger for your demise is never ending.

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In the last 3 weeks, I have had a lot of time to think about life.  About MY life, and the people within this life I hold dear.  My husband and sons, my adult puppy, my parents, sister, extended family and all my friends…They are the ones that matter.  Nothing and NO ONE ELSE.  (Is it weird my brain went right to a Metallica song?  All of a sudden I was hearing James Hetfield in his low voice singing, “No, nothing else matters….” – That’s what I get for being married to a metal head).

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Tomorrow is my 44th birthday.  WOOHOO!!!!!  Grab the balloons and confetti!  This girl is another year older!  This last trip around the sun was definitely interesting.  So many high highs, along with just as many low lows.  But, the truth is, I’m still standing right here, with a big old smile on my face.  Sure, my smile looks a little more weathered, as the fine lines and little wrinkles here and there are starting to pop up in odd places, but I haven’t felt this peaceful in years.  Seriously!  I would love to tell you my secret, but right now, it’s not the time.  (But I promise I will, eventually!)

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(between the hundreds of cowlicks, the wrinkles on my forehead from years of scowling, and all that rosacea on that nose, my 44th is coming in full swinging!)

I WILL, though, tell you what I am doing NOW.  I’ve been a busy gal, working on a few businesses.  I am a Presenter for Younique Trademark now, as well as a Founding Consultant for EllaTina (a legging and soon-to-be more clothing styles company), a Consultant for Nutrasail, and of course we cannot forget the good old Bohemian Hobbit Apothecary Trademark.

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(Apothecary Goals)

I am currently in the process of laying out the 2018 Gardens.  Due to my faith change, the name of our homestead has changed as well.  I am thinking of calling it Morning Glory Homestead, as we are inundated with Morning Glories EVERYWHERE!  Some people, as well as lots of landscapers, say that they are this invasive weed, but this gal right here think they are just so beautiful!  So, I chose to just trellis them up, rather than remove them.  The Purpledead Nettles, on the other hand, are something that make me want to stick pins in my eyes.

I am going to be working 3 different types of gardening this year:  Garden of Eden, Hugleculture, and Core gardening. Each one has it’s place in Permaculture, but all with a different spin to it.  So, different areas of my property will house one of those ways.  2017 Garden was definitely more of a success than 2016, as we ended up with tomatoes and peppers galore!  And the herbs came back with a vengeance, by end of July, the gardens looked lovely!

(just some of the garden in its prime)

And lucky for me, this gal gets to continue, or better yet, start her gardening earlier than even this coming year!  Sitting in a box, is my little side greenhouse that will connect to our back doors.  I cannot even tell you how excited I am about this new journey with my gardening, and so happy my Dad is going to help me put it together!  Keep an eye out for the finished product in January!

And finally, we are hoping this coming spring we will finally get our kitchen window put in.  Having no windows in our kitchen makes it dark and rather gloomy.  And I need light to keep me happy.

So, I am prepared to have a lovely Christmas and New Year with family and my closest of friends, and I really am just so excited for what 2018 is going to bring.  I feel that 2018 will be a year of incredible blessings!  I truly believe that if I did not have the ONE thing in my life, I would not be where I am right now.

And I truly believe that He is up in my gardens in Heaven right now, tending to everything, waiting for my time to come up there and be with Him.  Over the last 6 months, I’ve been given visions through dreams of what it’s like up there.  I’d like to say that what I saw in my dreams were real.  Why?

Faith, my friends.  Faith.

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My next blog will talk about what I saw up there.  Until then, have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy Happy 2018!!!!

 

Be Blessed,

Bridget

Talking About a New Way of Life…

Teach-me-your-wayHi ya’ll!  So glad to be FINALLY sitting down at my computer on this Sunday afternoon.  I really am just looking forward to a weekend where nothing needs to be clean, nothing needs to be laundered, nothing needs to be maintained, so I am able to devote my time to you and this website.  I have found myself to be inundated with watching and reading other wonderful websites that have truly caught my heart, but there has always been something deep within me that says, “oh, isn’t there a PERFECT website out there for me?”

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Well, I am a writer.  And I have been the owner of quite a few websites over the years.  But this is different.  This is a road I have NEVER been on before. What happens is that the moment I try to figure out what to write, two things usually occur.  Right now, I have two things I DESPERATELY want to do.

Take a nap or write this post.

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Well, that’s a problem of all problems, I tell you.  If I put myself down for a nap (yes, even at 43, sometimes I have to treat myself like a toddler that is in line for a much-needed nap), then I’ll lay there thinking about this post.  Sitting here as I am typing this, my brain is thinking, “I can’t even imagine how cool my goose-down pillow is right now, and how perfect it would feel under my head”.  Yup.  Mid-forties, still can’t make a decision to save my soul.  I have found that is one of me and my husband’s biggest arguments, because he will ask me a question, and I have absolutely NO idea how to answer.  That’s something I definitely want to work on and make better in my life.

I went from living a rather boisterous, radical life to realizing my true happiness was through modesty, humility, and an overall submission to the will of God on how he views my life and how I should be living it right now.

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And look, I cannot forget my past, and I’m not saying I’m going to be judging how women live their life.  This is just a personal journey that I am going through on my own here. I just ask for those still not understanding my journey to just respect it from afar if you have to.  I’m not here to fight and right now I’m not strong enough to debate.  My life is still incredibly emotional that debating others who proactively seek me out, friend or foe, is too much right now, and I just ask you all to respect what’s I’m going through.

Moving on from that, I do want to talk about something that has seemed to have taken off into the curious minds of those around me.

WHAT’S WITH THE SCARVES ON YOUR HEAD?

I know, I know.  It’s an adjustment to me as well.

In fact, everything about this new path has been a mega-adjustment.  Like a child learning how to walk, living a completely different way needs to be handled delicately.   Although I am a 43 year old woman of sound-mind, spiritually, I am only a few months old.  I’m doing things that honestly I NEVER in my life thought I’d ever do.  My progressive, liberal views have changed drastically, and sometimes it’s difficult for me to walk forward on certain tasks.  Head covering included.

(me with all my new ways to head cover)

In fact, I am going on my 3rd week of covering full time.  I was paranoid at the fact I would be called out for it.  But, I work for a great company that thrives on diversity, and 95% of the people who I’ve encountered have been incredibly supportive.  So much, that my company has asked me to be a speaker for a Christian event coming up in October that will allow me to discuss my journey and testimony, including the promise to head cover.  Sure, there were a few that were less-than-courteous, and I just chalk that up to ignorance.  Not in the sense they were mean, no, just uneducated on that particular circumstance.

What has been even more amazing, is the fact that with this head covering movement I started in my own little world, it also helped me make a decision in my life.  To enforce my decision, my amazing Mom said to me earlier today, (sweetie, you need to sit down and carve out your “what makes me happiest” you want in your life)….And boy is she RIGHT ON THE MONEY!  Last week the enemy was hitting me left and right, even with saying the Warrior prayer, Satan and his strongholds were attacking me everywhere they could hit me.  This is an opportune time to get stronger!  And with the renewed vigor in my body, mind and spirit, I’m ready to tackle on the one thing I DO believe have been keeping me from doing my dream!

So, that’s what’s going on right now.  I want to try to get a post out at least once a week.  And the more I become comfortable and strong in my body, my faith and my love not just for God, but for myself, I will have more to contribute to this movement.

Be blessed and have a great week!

Bridget

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