Tag Archives: Faith

A Time of Transition…

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Have you ever woken up in the morning and realized that the person inside of you is shifting?

That the things you thought about not even a week before no longer are a priority? And that the things you never thought of, or never would have considered, have proven to come front and center?

I honestly don’t know if I should be sick over this or excited. All I know is that there is a feeling of anticipation inside of me, and I’m struggling to understand the whys.

I want so much to embrace all the aspects of myself, but I also know that whenever I try to do that, it’s like having too many hands in the kitchen. I get overwhelmed, anxious and then I lose all motivation because of it.  I am the kind of person who needs to focus her energies one thing at a time. If I do anymore of that, I freak out and then nothing gets done. It’s a crappy way to live. 

House Decor Goals

I wish I could explain it more than I have, but it’s just….well, all I know is that I feel I’m changing again. I’ve never been someone who was afraid of change, but when it comes to changing within, it scares the ever-living out of me. 

Okay, so what’s up? Well, the first thing I noticed is probably the biggest. As many people know, I was so happy that this past Winter I did not have the crippling depression I have had in years past. Now, although I was taking tons of supplements this time around to counter the depression, I felt the winter was a big win in my eyes, as many years in the past, I have fought these dark moments through hours of crying, staring, sleeping and all around just feeling sad. Yet, I did not have this this past winter. 

Then Spring came. 

And I wasn’t as excited as I had been since I was a little girl. I planted my usual things and lost a lot of plants from a small heatwave that hit. The issue was, I had not an ounce of desire to replant. Nope. Not one fleeting emotion of anticipation and happiness I had always had before when gardening. 

Here’s where it gets weird: I found myself getting moody when it would go over 75 degrees!  Usually, this is when my mood goes UP! Instead, it’s going down. Why?

It seems, I am I transitioning from Spring and Summer to Autumn and Winter. It just doesn’t make sense! 

Either way, this feeling of change has inspired me to start painting again. And right now, I feel this calling to get to the mountains. Where I live is in the suburbs of Philadelphia, PA. And as much as I love where I live, the calling to want to go to the mountains has been getting stronger each day. 

Last year, I went to visit some sisters in faith up in the Poconos region. And the moment I came out of the tunnel into the Lehigh Valley area, I felt like my heart was going to explode. I cherished the drive I took that day, and felt a deep sadness when I drove home. Not that I was sad to go home to my family, but leaving an area I have been feeling the call to go towards. It felt…right. 

I want to go to a place where there are mountains and streams, forests and woods full of birch trees. Where campfires are a daily thing, and not a seasonal one. Where you can close your eyes and all you hear are the sounds that God Himself created. To breathe air so clear you forget what it means to have sinus issues. To look up at night and see right through the firmament and into the heavens. Where you can wade through a spring instead of taking a shower just because you can. 

Why after 47 years am I not only wanting this change, but actually craving it? Does this happen to many people? Is it just women? Is it the age? 

It’s not like I no longer enjoy Spring and Summer anymore. I still feel that quickening in my belly between March and April when life returns to my area, but it wasn’t as strong as the quickening in my belly for Autumn right now. At least not lately. 

Funny, I say all this, but my idea of snowstorm after snowstorm is still not pleasing, However, all I know when it comes to winter is winter in the suburbs. Winter in the suburbs is not like Winter in the mountains. 

Winter in the suburbs is messy. People are so anxious whenever we get a snowstorm, because they don’t like to be without their vehicles. So, diesel plow trucks filled with salt and sand go up and down the streets, salting every nook and cranny so that every person in the town can get out and continue with their day. Last Winter I questioned whether or not God created Winter for the purpose of souls to stop and rest. I know not every place on Earth gets Winter, but I do believe He places souls in certain areas of the world who need to learn a specific thing. For years I wondered why God put me in Pennsylvania, a temperate climate where the Summers can be sweltering and the Winters can be debilitating. At one point in my life, I started researching places where the weather everyday is Spring-like. I got as far as Portugal and stopped my research, as my chances of moving my whole life to Portugal because I don’t like Winter were slim, if not non-existent. 

All I know is that change is coming. And I’m totally embracing it. 

I think I may have told you long ago about my Ancestry. I am 46% Scottish, 40% Irish and 14% Scandinavian. 

All of this points to one thing: North.

Firepit at night = AMAZING

I am a Northern girl. I was born in the North, raised in the North. And although for many years my mind and body were longing for something warmer, something Southern, something less in your face. I wanted to go to a place where sweaters and woolen socks were not welcome, where everywhere I turned was green. 

And yet, I never left. I stayed right here in the North. In 2020, I believe our Lord showed me why He never wanted me to leave. My soul, the very essence of me, Bridget, was forever tied to the Northern climate. He made me remember my poetry from 10-15 years ago, which was mainly about Icebergs, Heaven and the Northern Lights. I’ll admit, I think of the Northern Lights and like to think that it’s the aura of Heaven itself. And since my faith has changed and I’ve come back to Christ, I honestly want to be as close to Him as possible. Why would I want to leave?

The Mountains are calling and I must go

No doubt, I want out of the suburbs. I have two more years to think about this. Two more years to plan this. 

The stress of where I live, how I live, is causing me to stay sick. To be unhealthy. I never truly understood the power of being in an environment that could make or break you. 

The Scot in me wants the heather and the mountains. The Irish in me wants the green hills and valleys.The Scandinavian in me wants clean, fresh air and forests and woodlands. 

Time to Corrie In!!!!!!

Last year I learned my soul wants to follow a life of seasons. All of them. Not just the best ones. Not just the pretty ones. 

And I know just the place to get all of this. Right here in my home state of Pennsylvania. 

Retirement Goals

Thank you, Lord, for showing me the Way.

Finding Gratefulness…

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Filed under Faith, history, Homesteading, Slow Living
Thanksgiving Tablescape Goals

Today starts the beginning of the holiday prep season for most Americans. I say that because this week is the prep time for our annual day of Thanksgiving. Although many people see Thanksgiving as a day to remember the terrible genocide of the Indigenous Peoples that inhabited this land before, I made a vow long ago to remember the day we tried to make peace and harmony with those who’s land we came upon. The truth is, the only people who discovered America are the people who were living here at the time Columbus and Erikson came onto these lands. Our Native American Indians, who lovingly met with the Pilgrims who landed on Plymouth Rock all those hundreds of years ago. These people who taught us how to plant corn and wheat, how to forage the native medicinals for healing, how to build shelters to keep warm and safe during those North Eastern Winters. My ancestors who shipped from the likes of Ireland, England, Scotland, Wales, Germany and Scandanavia (yup, that’s right, I’m a bit of a Celtic Mutt), lived amongst the Native Americans here at the edge of the Appalachian Mountains not too far from where I live right now. Thanking science for geneology reports, I found that my people came to live in the Pocono Mountains, about 2.5 hours from my home.

My personal geneology report as of 11/22/2020

I’ve been thinking a lot about my ancestors this year in particular. Call it pandemic curiosity, call it research, I’ve taken great pride in studying my family’s history and how we ended up here in Pennsylvania. I come from a Clan of people called The Ulster Irish, also known as the Black Irish. They were the Indiginous people of Ireland who lived up in the North East of Ireland. There was a time in history that the Vikings from Scandanavia came down, raping and pillaging these people, breeding a new generation that would eventually emigrate to Scotland and England, and then eventually hundreds of years later, take a boat off of Southampton and land in New York City. My ancestoral history is not a pretty site, but I feel it is important to remember that not all of the Irish were good, and not all the Vikings were bad. What I DO know, is that it’s MY history, and although it’s not always pretty, it’s MY history. And this is exactly what I taught my children as I raised them. History is messy, and sometimes there are things that happened that are not easy to talk about. Horrific things like brutal rape and genocide, but also wonderful things like love, truce, and comraderie. We educated each other, and I HAVE to believe that however this country was formed, there was both bad AND good. Both sad YET happy times. And if 2020 has taught me anything, is that for all the bad stuff that’s happened to us, if we don’t remember the good along with it, we forfeit our right to the powerful truth of history.

So, as you prepare this week of celebrations, reunions and the like, I dare you to think about the good that has happened in this year along with all the challenges we as a nation have faced. Even if the good was personal and private, and no one but you and God were there to witness it, REMEMBER it. And thank our Creator above for all that we have been given.

For me, I am grateful for several things and came to some funny conclusions:

I have incredible faith that I never knew I had until I found myself in some serious hard times. That my inner circle, although tight and and secured, is more powerful than having thousands of social networking fans. That maybe I’m really a Northern gal, and that maybe it’s time I face the fact that if I embrace Winter, I may not be as depressed as I always expect to be each year. That the power of prayer can move mountains. That God gives me EXACTLY what I need when I NEED it, and nothing more or less. That if I stop trying to live life like I’m running in a marathon, I’ll find that peace I keep talking about. Huh.

I’m hosting Thanksgiving this year for my in-laws. I’m looking forward to it, despite some challenges it sometime faces. I have SO much to be thankful for this year, and I intend to relish in every single moment over these next several weeks, until it’s time to bid adieu to 2020 and turn the page to the next chapter. I hope you take heed to what I’ve said and do the same. We all deserve peace in our lives right now. And it has to start from within. God Bless You.

Me and Linus VanPuggle

Bridget

Farewell, 2018…

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I really wasn’t planning to do an obligatory “final words” post for this year, but honestly, as 2018 comes to a close is a few hours, I cannot help but think back to what happen in the last 12 months.

Lord-my-rock

Like seriously, 2018 was ridiculous in terms of joy, heartache, abundance and loss. Let’s reflect on this gal’s year…starting with the sad stuff:

I went to 14 funerals this year. FOURTEEN. In my 45 years here on this earth, I think I attended as many funerals in this last year than I have in the entirety of my life. Honestly, this was the biggie. Loss was a big part of these last 12 months. Not just in death, but in career and finalities in relationships. I lost a job I cared about and was devout to for almost a decade. Acquaintances come and go, as well as some friends. Back in February a woman I considered like a sister decided to attack me on social media for coming back to Jesus. This woman, who I loved so much, who had an open door invitation to our home, and someone I could confide in, turned so cruel, something I am still thinking about 11 months later. I’m no stranger to controversy when it comes to my transition from pagan to Christ following, and most of my pagan friends have been kind and honest with me, even if it hurts them that I no longer believe in the things I once did.

In the last week alone, we were hit with a missile right to the heart and well, I guess all I can say is we all need to lick our wounds sometimes. I think of the song by Aaron Shust’s “You Redeem”, when he says:

“Miracles will happen, Healing will come, The plans of our enemy ruined undone”

As well as:

“You redeem, You redeem, You restore what’s been stolen from me…You reclaims, You release, You rebuild with the words that You breathe….”

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It’s a powerful song that has helped me get through some really tough times in the last couple years, most importantly this year. But if I focus on just the loss, I’ll never truly see what I RECEIVED. So let’s talk about the good stuff:

I became part of an amazing ministry called Philia Ministries. Founded by my friends James and Lea DiNonno, they are two of the most loving and compassionate people, with such deep love for our Lord. They do their best to follow God’s original instructions, well, the ones that can be followed. Because of their devotion to God, they have been chastised, belittled and mocked in ways I never thought people would be capable of. But, this is what being set apart is all about, right? I myself have been trying to follow suit, because to me, many of those instructions aren’t burdensome. They are not filled with bondage others claim them to be. So, it meant I was also on the receiving end of that mockery. One actually threatened to call my Pastor! HA! For wanting to follow God in a way she did not agree with. Religion sucks, folks. That’s why I always tell people I’m not in a religion, I’m in a relationship.

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In the last 12 months I have found kindred souls with a couple dozen people across the world, people that truly love unconditionally, people that are in the world but not of the world. There is so much humility in this ministry, I talk about them often. This is one of the greatest gifts God had given me this year. One I will NEVER take for granted.

What else…Oh, I got a job! Who would have thought that a girl who had been in the corporate world since 1999 would end up working at a humble book store a mile from my home? For me, this was life changing. There is very little stress, and a lot of laughter. I actually ENJOY going to work! I feel each time I open those doors, I am walking into my own private library. For a Bibliophile like myself, it’s a dream come true! And it’s pretty awesome I have amazing bosses and coworkers that make my days go by fast!

My health has improved significantly. In the last 12 months I am down over 30 pounds. It’s amazing what not having lots of stress inside your body does! Don’t get me wrong, this year was stressful in itself, my pulmonary issues are getting worse, as well as my memory continues to slip a little, but thankfully the good outweighed the bad. How did that happen, you ask?

FAITH.

FAITH.

I’ll say it again, folks. FAITH.

I think of Laura Story’s song, “Blessings”, where she sings:

“What if Your blessings come through raindrops, what if Your mercies come through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near…what if trials of this life, are Your mercies in disguise…”

No doubt, I shed a lot of tears. A LOT. No one can take that away from me. I had some really crappy things happen to me by people I cared about. The last 6 months alone were trials in itself. But as my “Person” Jenny said that it was my FAITH that was a big part of my life this year and how certain things turned out. I truly believe this.

See, I hate no one. But I sure as heck know people out there hate me. Hate me for my past, hate me for my personality. Hate me because I exist. I cannot stop those people from feeling that way, but I sure can use my FAITH God has given me and not engage in that hatred. Life is a precious gift that should not be thrown about. There’s going to come a day when we all go home to the Father. And we are going to have to stand in front on Him and explain why we did this and that, why we felt certain ways, and why we lived the way we did. I for one will not leave this earth with an ounce of negativity within me. And I urge so many who read this to do the same. Love as HE loved us. If this is the only thing I could have taught to anyone in this world, it is that.

So, as the hours grow closer to that clean slate that will be 2019, I am thinking of people like Sally, Helen, sweet little Eliana Grace, Janet, my friend’s mom and brother, Damian, My Aunt Sharon, and my friend’s brother in law…just to name a few, who left this world way too early, and the families and friends they left behind.

But I also think of my dear friends Jenny and Steven who FINALLY got married, my other dear friends Maria and Tim who had a baby girl named Teagan, my sweet friend Alina who gave birth to her little boy, a ministry that I am proud to be a part of and the friends I have now because of it, my son’s professional wrestling training scholarship, and how my faith has grown to immense proportions.

A rollercoaster of a year, 2018. Thank you for it, but I’m ready to get off the ride now and find the 2019 ride, jump in with my arms raised and my heart open for better things to come!

There’s a war between guilt and grace

They are fighting for a sacred space

But I’m living proof, GRACE WINS EVERYTIME.

No more lying down in death’s defeat

Now I’m rising up to victory

Singing HALLELUJAH! GRACE WINS EVERYTIME!!!!!!!!

EVERYTIME!

Yeah I’m living proof…

GRACE WINS EVERYTIME.

God speed, 2018.

Be Blessed!

Love, Bridget

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