Breaking Down the Ego Within…

 

 

 

It’s been over 3 months since this new chapter unfolded before me.  And I have to tell you, it’s been pretty amazing.  Well, it would probably be more amazing without the Arctic freeze and snow every few days, but I also know it could be worse.  Every so often during these 2 months, temperatures having been swinging around in the 40’s and 50’s, so the temperatures will alert the sleeping flowers and trees that dawn is approaching for their big wake-up call.  And then we get snow.  Or a day where its 10 degrees fahrenheit.  Another month or so, and we will start seeing some buds on the trees, and maybe a crocus or two!

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But I digress…I wanted to get online and talk about a piece of scripture that came across my eyes today.  Numbers 11:5

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I immediately thought of my friend Chad, who after telling him I started reading the Bible, he said jokingly, “Let me know when you get to Numbers. ”  I have to admit, I have avoided Numbers like the plague for that very reason!

But, Jesus has other plans for me, I guess.

Anyway, I was listening to this prophetic word on YouTube one morning, when this passage was brought up.  I decided to look it up, and literally sat here at my desk, completely clueless as to what it meant.  I decided to reach out to a fellow Brother in Christ/Bible Study Teacher/Good Friend and Partner of my BFF haha… (yeah, he has lots of titles), and he gave me a brief albeit solid explanation to the passage.

“In context it was the Jewish people wandering in the desert whining about how good they had it when they were slaves.  Their eyes were off the blessings of the Lord providing daily manna, they were lusting for the “good ole days…”

WOW.  For an instant I got it.  I understood what the Israelite’s were complaining about.  I understand it, because I felt that way through my first marriage, and my last place of employment.  Even if life was hell, it was stable.  It was something that I knew, and no matter how bad it got, at least I knew what to expect, rather than having not a clue of what’s happening.  It’s why I don’t like surprises.  It’s why I tend to know exactly what my step-son is going to say/do before it happens.  My need to know everything around me consumed my life.  I had to be in the know with everything and complained when I didn’t know what was going on.  Right now, I am going through that, but, I decided last month to take up the Cross and allow God to do with me as He saw fit.  And my life has been nothing short of a miracle.  Since 2004, I have been longing to be back home, and after 13 years, here I am. Don’t get me wrong, I am still diligently looking for a job, but I also know God knows my heart and knows exactly where I will thrive.  So, following in His footsteps rather than my own is definitely humbling and very difficult.  I’ve never been a patient person, and living on a daily instant gratification for things has created something within me I am not proud of.  Getting back to basics and bringing myself back into Spirit, well, I can easily say it’s not easy.  Yet the infinite patience of our Father is astounding, and no one should really question that.  It’s very difficult to not look on the outward appearance of things and instead look within.  But looking within is where the real treasure is.  Seeing the very thing that God created us in the first place for, that is where the miracles sit.  How many in this world have been honestly able to see that?  I’m 44 years old, and seeing this through my child-like eyes is like looking upon a unicorn – you can’t believe it’s real but there it is standing in front of you.

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Sometimes, God allows difficult times to happen in order for the amazing things to take place.  I think I may have mentioned this in my last post.  And most likely, I will mention it in the next one.  I think it’s important to remember that.  We are so caught up our egocentric minds, that there isn’t any room for God.  In order for us to truly allow God into our lives and hearts, we must let go of our worldly desires.

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It’s not easy.  But think of the Parable of the rich man who wanted to enter the Kingdom of Heaven….Incidentally enough, it’s the next verses in Matthew Chapter 10:

17 And when he was gone forth into the way, there came one running, and kneeled to him, and asked him, Good Master, what shall I do that I may inherit eternal life?

18 And Jesus said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God.

19 Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Defraud not, Honour thy father and mother.

20 And he answered and said unto him, Master, all these have I observed from my youth.

21 Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me.

22 And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions.

23 And Jesus looked round about, and saith unto his disciples, How hardly shall they that have riches enter into the kingdom of God!

24 And the disciples were astonished at his words. But Jesus answereth again, and saith unto them, Children, how hard is it for them that trust in riches to enter into the kingdom of God!

25 It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. (Matthew 10:17-25 KJV)

So, I let go of control of my life, and gave it to God.  And it hasn’t been the same ever since.  And every wish I had dreamed of regarding how I wished my life would be has been humbly coming true.

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Well, I gotta get back to some work here at home.  Lots to do today, lots of prayers to be said.  Lots of praises to our Almighty for all He has given me.  One of the things I find humorous, is that in 1 Corinthians 11, it talks about women covering their head when talking to God.  Well, I talk to God ALL DAY, so I guess I need to have my head covered all day!  HA!

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Be blessed this week, everyone.  Jesus loves you!

Bridget

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Talking About a New Way of Life…

Teach-me-your-wayHi ya’ll!  So glad to be FINALLY sitting down at my computer on this Sunday afternoon.  I really am just looking forward to a weekend where nothing needs to be clean, nothing needs to be laundered, nothing needs to be maintained, so I am able to devote my time to you and this website.  I have found myself to be inundated with watching and reading other wonderful websites that have truly caught my heart, but there has always been something deep within me that says, “oh, isn’t there a PERFECT website out there for me?”

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Well, I am a writer.  And I have been the owner of quite a few websites over the years.  But this is different.  This is a road I have NEVER been on before. What happens is that the moment I try to figure out what to write, two things usually occur.  Right now, I have two things I DESPERATELY want to do.

Take a nap or write this post.

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Well, that’s a problem of all problems, I tell you.  If I put myself down for a nap (yes, even at 43, sometimes I have to treat myself like a toddler that is in line for a much-needed nap), then I’ll lay there thinking about this post.  Sitting here as I am typing this, my brain is thinking, “I can’t even imagine how cool my goose-down pillow is right now, and how perfect it would feel under my head”.  Yup.  Mid-forties, still can’t make a decision to save my soul.  I have found that is one of me and my husband’s biggest arguments, because he will ask me a question, and I have absolutely NO idea how to answer.  That’s something I definitely want to work on and make better in my life.

I went from living a rather boisterous, radical life to realizing my true happiness was through modesty, humility, and an overall submission to the will of God on how he views my life and how I should be living it right now.

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And look, I cannot forget my past, and I’m not saying I’m going to be judging how women live their life.  This is just a personal journey that I am going through on my own here. I just ask for those still not understanding my journey to just respect it from afar if you have to.  I’m not here to fight and right now I’m not strong enough to debate.  My life is still incredibly emotional that debating others who proactively seek me out, friend or foe, is too much right now, and I just ask you all to respect what’s I’m going through.

Moving on from that, I do want to talk about something that has seemed to have taken off into the curious minds of those around me.

WHAT’S WITH THE SCARVES ON YOUR HEAD?

I know, I know.  It’s an adjustment to me as well.

In fact, everything about this new path has been a mega-adjustment.  Like a child learning how to walk, living a completely different way needs to be handled delicately.   Although I am a 43 year old woman of sound-mind, spiritually, I am only a few months old.  I’m doing things that honestly I NEVER in my life thought I’d ever do.  My progressive, liberal views have changed drastically, and sometimes it’s difficult for me to walk forward on certain tasks.  Head covering included.

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In fact, I am going on my 3rd week of covering full time.  I was paranoid at the fact I would be called out for it.  But, I work for a great company that thrives on diversity, and 95% of the people who I’ve encountered have been incredibly supportive.  So much, that my company has asked me to be a speaker for a Christian event coming up in October that will allow me to discuss my journey and testimony, including the promise to head cover.  Sure, there were a few that were less-than-courteous, and I just chalk that up to ignorance.  Not in the sense they were mean, no, just uneducated on that particular circumstance.

What has been even more amazing, is the fact that with this head covering movement I started in my own little world, it also helped me make a decision in my life.  To enforce my decision, my amazing Mom said to me earlier today, (sweetie, you need to sit down and carve out your “what makes me happiest” you want in your life)….And boy is she RIGHT ON THE MONEY!  Last week the enemy was hitting me left and right, even with saying the Warrior prayer, Satan and his strongholds were attacking me everywhere they could hit me.  This is an opportune time to get stronger!  And with the renewed vigor in my body, mind and spirit, I’m ready to tackle on the one thing I DO believe have been keeping me from doing my dream!

So, that’s what’s going on right now.  I want to try to get a post out at least once a week.  And the more I become comfortable and strong in my body, my faith and my love not just for God, but for myself, I will have more to contribute to this movement.

Be blessed and have a great week!

Bridget

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